Life Lessons Learned From Exes

They say that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes a relationship just doesn’t work out. More often than not, a person is in your life for a season. Whatever chunk of time that is, it’s a season. You are meant to learn from the time you two spent together as well as what happens after they have gone.

The Personal Relationship Tree Analogy

I think I must have heard this comparison in seventh grade, but it has stuck with me. Every thing is not for every one.

The roots are the people that are there to stay. They are dug deeply and intertwined so much that you sometimes find them to be too deep. There are fewer roots than anything else because they crave all of the nutrients (time, patience, respect, love, faith, etc.) and they support the rest of the tree. These are the special ones. They are buried deep so you have to dig to find them.

Branches are pretty great, too, they just cannot hold as much weight as the roots of a tree. Longer term, though not as permanent as roots, branches do lift you up in their own ways.

Leaves come and go with the season, bright and beautiful, then drying up and floating away when the weather turns cold. They are not meant to be depended on.

Most of these apply not only to romantic relationships, but friendships as well. “Failed relationships” teach us plenty, if we let them.

 

Breakup Life Lessons | LoveBecomesHer : Embracing the Breakup & Moving Forward Afterwards (With a Positive Outlook and Newly Learned Lessons)

 

1 | You can’t always get what you want.

No matter what you (or your ex) plan for post-breakup, things happen. You two end it and decide to be friends afterwards, but for some reason you just cannot pull it off. Or, It’s a big messy blowup and you hope you never see each other again…and then you somehow end up in the same pottery classes. Life throws what it wants to at you, but all you can do is roll with it.

2 | It had to happen, for you.

I think that one of the hardest parts of breaking up is realizing that it is actually over, because this part happens well after “the end”. You get into a new groove without your ex and somewhere in there you realize that that person (and that relationship) have lost a place in your life. Loss is a tough one. Within that, though, there is all this room to grow! We try haircuts and sky-diving to fill a void, when in reality we could just embrace the space. It means that there is more room for you to develop as a person. Think about how much more awesome you’ll be in the next relationship (wink wink).

3 | There’s love everywhere.

You know that first trip you take without your ex? That feeling you had of doing something without them, without being able to share it with them? If you can get past it enough to see where you are and all the beauty in it, you can usually see the beauty in others, too. Now, I’m not suggesting rebounding into another relationship. I’m talking about the friendly person you chatted with at the grocery store, the new friend you met in an elevator, or the puppy you played with at the park. These tiny instances will quickly remind you that people are what’s important, and this one relationship “failure” should not ruin that.

4 | It’s nobody’s fault.

Relationships end because they are meant to. People are people, they are not permanent objects in your life. They are there to teach you about life, yourself, and the world around you. Once you have learned the lesson, it is ok to accept ONLY THAT and then continue living your life.

5 | There is strength in forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not make you weak. It really will set you free. You will find strength in forgiving yourself, and your ex. Forgiving does not require forgetting, but it does keep you away from bitterness and resentment. By definition, to forgive is to end that resentment. Let it go, regardless of who was wrong, eventually you’ll be glad you did.

6 | You really cannot be friends.

I know we would all like to believe we are mature enough to handle a truly friendly relationship with someone we can no longer date but, get real, the vast majority are not. Beyond that, should you really even want to remain friends? You two have had intimate moments together and looked at one another with googley-eyes and hopes of growing old together. If that is now over, just let it be over.

7 | This is for the best.

If you did not break up with this one, how would you ever end up with your Mr. or Mrs. Right? Not every one needs to kiss a few toads to find their soulmate, but that does not mean any one should limit themselves. There are literally millions of people on Earth. You would only be limiting yourself trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, and for what? The word for that is: settling. There really are many more fish in the sea.

Don’t confuse this life lesson with a soul mate.

Love is absolutely worth fighting for, if you both are willing to fight. If one of you is not, recognize it for what it is. Accept the moment and learn from it, so that you can move forward to bigger and better things.

26 Comments

  1. January 12, 2018 / 12:20 am

    “You really cannot be friends” this truth was the hardest to accept. Probably because for me the relationship was never over, I somehow still believed that through friendship we can get back our lost love. But with each trial we kept blowing things up.

    I kept pushing and hurting myself more and more. It took me long to realize that he didn’t want the friendship because it reminded him of the times we spent together and all that..

    We are not friends now. But we are okay.

    These are real life lessons learned the hard way.

    • Janiece
      January 12, 2018 / 6:40 pm

      I am with you on this, for I was in the a similar situation. My ex and I could not let go, dragging each other along instead of letting go. It really does hurt you more than heal you, especially if there is no intentions of one or both getting back together.

      It’s hard when you miss that person, giving in or slipping up in calling them. Every time I did that I felt like I failed in my healing process. But my goodness, moving on/healing IS a process. A hard one. But a process worth going through.

    • January 13, 2018 / 4:12 pm

      Such a hard one, Grace! First of all, thank you for reading and sharing.

      Exes are especially harder to shake when they are still in your life. Family, friends, and other mutual responsibilities force you two to be in each others’ presence and it’s just an added layer of stressful. Trying to be friends while you’re also feeling all of the effects of a breakup just makes it feel that much more impossible.

      I know things will get better with time, sometimes “okay” is the best you can do for a while.

  2. Janiece
    January 12, 2018 / 6:46 pm

    That forgiveness one was hard for me. I felt myself jumping from ‘yes, I do forgive him’ to “No, I’m still angry.” It’s really a process. I mean for some people and I guess it depends on the situation, to forgive maybe be easier. But I agree, once you’ve forgiven someone, it does keep you away from the bitterness and resentment. And once those seem to dissipate, the change within feels good, and you can feel a weight lifted from off your shoulders.

    • January 13, 2018 / 4:25 pm

      Haha, isn’t it funny how we go back and forth?

      It’s a process, for sure. You’ve got to actually end it, then come to terms with that, then heal. It feels sooooo great once you you’ve let go, though! Very….accomplished. 😉

      Thanks so much for stopping by Janiece.

  3. January 13, 2018 / 5:34 am

    Great post, dear! I love it:)

    irinathayer.com

    • January 16, 2018 / 7:31 am

      I live by I always get what I want! Even when I no longer want certain things. This was a good read though.

  4. January 14, 2018 / 3:30 am

    Beautifull blogpost. Nice to read 😍❤️

  5. January 14, 2018 / 3:54 am

    I can relate to your post, from my life experiences too but one thing I have come to appreciate in life, is that , the process is always a great learning curve in anything in life be it love or work. Going through experiences like this makes us stronger in will, and learn some new lessons. Thanks for sharing such an enlightening post.

    • January 14, 2018 / 12:47 pm

      Ah, that learning curve! It’s great we can look back and see it so clearly…it’s just harder when you’re in the midst of it. Glad you liked it. I was curious about the male perspective so thank you for visiting, and your comments!

  6. January 14, 2018 / 6:30 am

    First, I am so in love with your blog. It is absolutely stunning! I am so glad I discovered it!
    Second, this list is so on point. It’s amazing how much truth #6 holds. While some people manage to stay friends after a break-up, it’s just not an easy thing to invest time in especially when they find a new S/O. I also think staying friends doesn’t give you as much freedom to move on with your life.

    Best,
    Dianne

  7. January 14, 2018 / 7:39 am

    I agree with #6! It is easier to move on with your life when you close the door on the past.

  8. January 14, 2018 / 9:23 am

    Absolutely love this! I can agree with you on everything, and definitely life lessons!

  9. January 14, 2018 / 12:15 pm

    Beautiful post.. honestly everyone needs to read this because we often fall into traps when it comes to break ups. It’s a very sensitive issue but I love the points you made.

    • January 14, 2018 / 6:32 pm

      Happy to hear that you enjoyed it, Zee. It is definitely a touchy subject, but I think that’s part of why it’s so important to share topics like this one!

  10. January 15, 2018 / 1:52 am

    What a great post. I love how everything you’ve learnt is positive. That’s truly inspiring 🙂

  11. January 15, 2018 / 4:24 am

    “It had to happen, for you” is so true, tough times only make us stronger! Forgiving when you’ve been hurt can be really hard but is best to just let go. Also, I love you website layout and theme, it looks great 🙂

    • January 15, 2018 / 4:08 pm

      Thanks Perri! I’m glad the layout is working, I hoped it would be easy to read.

      And yes, looking back on all the rough patches really does help you realize how much stronger it all makes you.

  12. January 15, 2018 / 7:10 pm

    I love these life lessons, I so agree! But I also really like that tree analogy, I’ve never heard that before!

  13. January 16, 2018 / 5:16 am

    Wow, this post really hits home. I’ve had two breakups in my life and I feel like two pieces of my heart went with them. I tried to be friends with my 2nd ex. We didn’t break up because of a lack of love, but rather distance, and his inability to come to America (he was from a different country). It’s so hard to accept that being friends is not possible, especially when you had such big plans for each other. Thanks for sharing this!

  14. January 16, 2018 / 7:28 am

    Once people learn that certain people are only in their lives for a season then it would be much easier to let them go. It’s still a process tho.

  15. January 16, 2018 / 7:39 am

    Love is worth fighting for if you are both willing to fight. Whew. Seems I’m always the only one fighting. This post speaks to me on so many levels and is so spot on for my current trial in life. I wish I could print it out and read it as a reminder everyday. Thank you for this!!! I needed it.

  16. January 16, 2018 / 10:03 am

    I’m glad you said that you can’t be friends with your ex because people think it’s so easy to do, when in reality it’s not ! Love this article.

  17. January 16, 2018 / 4:59 pm

    So many truths in here! Love the many points you’ve put together for this. I love the reminder to forgive – for yourself. So important!

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